5 Keys to Meaningful Encouragement for Student Confidence

Meaningful encouragement is a shift in language away from traditional praise for students. This shift allows children to better develop:

• Autonomy
• Confidence
• Self-awareness
• Intrinsic Motivation

First, let’s discuss why these goals are vital to student success. This lays the foundation for why giving attention to our positive reinforcement language is worth the effort.

Autonomy

Autonomy is rooted in self-governance. Children must be able to decide for themselves what is right or wrong, good or bad. To be dependent on the governance of others over their thoughts, judgements, and decisions strips them of their leadership, creativity, and independence.

Confidence

Confidence is the belief one can rely on oneself. It helps us feel ready for what life brings. This does not mean that everything will come easily, but that we have the toolkit to problem-solve even when things are hard. Confidence is a foundational tool for growth mindset. Children must have opportunities to feel successful. This feeling of success is an internal positive reinforcement for confidence.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is our ability to be an accurate observer of ourselves. This includes the ability to observe your actions and determine whether they align with your internal standards. If children do not have an accurate self-concept, they miss opportunities for growth and for pride.

Intrinsic Motivation

I believe that the most powerful aid we can offer students does not lie in effective reading or writing or math lessons (though these are important). It is empowerment. The belief they can do anything. A strong foundation for empowerment includes self-awareness, intrinsic motivation, and self-determination. Self-awareness helps us see where we are. Self-determination theory gives us the belief that we can be anything we set our minds to. Intrinsic motivation is the tool that helps us move along the path and achieve our self-determination goals. It is the ability to motivate oneself to complete tasks or goals not for external rewards but because one finds them enjoyable and/or motivating. This is the fuel that moves a driven person through life.

These skills are invaluable human tools to help nurture in students. But how can shifting our language from traditional praise to meaningful encouragement help students achieve this? You might ask, what is the difference?

I first learned about shifting to meaningful encouragement at the beginning of my career in a Positive Discipline training. For me, a lightbulb went off and it has changed the way I reinforce children. Next we will look at definitions and examples of traditional praise vs. meaningful encouragement to better understand the difference.

Traditional Praise

Traditional praise is well-intentioned and designed to help children feel good by knowing they have pleased the adults around them. While we all want children to feel proud, this method has some shortcomings.

Value Judgements

Traditional praise often includes value judgment words like “good job” or “best”. These have a negative impact on the child’s orientation to the positive reinforcement.

Value judgements set up a competition in which the child is comparing themselves to others instead of their own progress. Studies show that competition may lead to a short-term boost in engagement but also increases anxiety in students. Competition in the classroom is a highly debated topic. However, most agree that if children can achieve intrinsic motivation, this would be more ideal than being motivated by competition.

While there may be short-term benefits to creating a culture of competition, we are creating long-term dependency on extrinsic reinforcement of our value and effort. If our bosses don’t give us accolades and our friends don’t compliment us, we may be unable to internally find value in our work and life.

Extrinsic Motivation

In traditional praise, value is determined extrinsically. Judgement words do not value the skills or effort of a project. Instead, the information that children glean from these interactions is simply whether they “impressed” or “did not impress” an adult. This inhibits the development of autonomy and intrinsic motivation.

In fact, extrinsic rewards do a disservice (Kohn, 1993); we use them because the immediate results are compelling, and we fail to notice the long-term results (Stoll Lillard, 2005). They have a negative impact on cognitive functioning, creativity, and prosocial behavior (Graham and Golan 1991) (Hennessy 2000).

Performance vs. Authenticity

Tasks can become performative. Instead of being motivated by learning or joy, children may begin working to achieve a desired reaction from an adult. This moves their journey through school away from being a transformative growth experience and creates a series of performances in exchange for adult praise.

5 Keys to Meaningful Encouragement

Meaningful encouragement offers a psychologically sound alternative to traditional praise. It balances our need for positive reinforcement with the need for internal ownership of the positive feedback.

Be specific

Instead of a value judgment, be more specific. What did the child do well? What skills should they be proud of, beyond the product.

Example:

Instead of, “Good job on your soccer game!”

Say, “I notice you did some complicated passes during the last stretch of the game!”

In this example, the second sentence is delivered with just as much joy and excitement as the first. We don’t need to flatten our emotion to be more intentional with our language.

Reflect back ownership

Help the child make value judgements themselves. Ask questions to help them reflect.

Example:

Child asks, “Do you like my painting?”

Adult answers, “Wow! I notice you used color to create a beautiful sense of balance, like the red that is over here and over here. Do you like your painting? What do you like about it?”

Acknowledge effort

Helping children have a process-oriented mindset can help children feel a sense of accomplishment with improvement, even if they have not yet met their ultimate goal.
Example:

“I notice you finished 30 out of 36 math facts on your timed practice. The flash card work you’ve been doing is really paying off! Last week you only got 27. Way to persevere and build your skills!”

Highlight good decisions/character

Sometimes there is no product at all. However, in our holistic classrooms there are plenty of achievements that are harder to measure but still deserve positive reinforcement. These can be the most important to recognize, because children may believe they are invisible and not recognize them as areas of growth or pride, even when deserved.

Example:

(Adult) “I notice you were really upset with Ralph. I could tell you were trying to control your emotions, and I saw you walk away and take a break from the soccer came, then come back later when you were calm. This is something you’ve been working on! It was very responsible-you must feel so proud!” (Note the shift from “I’m proud of you.”)

Be honest

Children are brilliant. They can see through adult platitudes. Don’t cheapen your feedback with a quantity-over-quality mentality. Children will come to believe that you’re just “really nice” and your feedback will not have the value to them and their self-development that it could have otherwise had. When children challenge and stretch themselves, this deserves recognition to help reinforce the effort and build the habit. Items that are “easy” for children are usually enjoyable in their own rights, and children can manifest internal positive reinforcement for these activities. They are autonomous in this, and don’t need you. Save your reinforcement for when it will make a difference in the child’s emotional or cognitive life. Maria Montessori wrote, “Never help a child with a task at which they can succeed.” When we do, we are taking away the autonomy and power that is their spiritual fuel.

In summary, let’s switch our language away from “what you did makes me happy” and toward “how does what you did make YOU happy?” by using meaningful encouragement strategies. The impact ripples out through the child’s development far beyond the moment of interaction and can have powerful benefits.