Helping Children (and Ourselves) Navigate Anger

By Ines Oldenburg, Positive Discipline Trainer, Montessori Minds Consultant

Anger is an emotional response that is natural when we face an unmet need (or perceived need). Learning to manage anger gives us control over it. It helps us act intentionally rather than react impulsively. This is an important skill for both adults and children.

The first step in managing anger is recognizing it. Too often, we’re told we shouldn’t feel angry and are shamed for showing our anger, but anger is a valid emotion. It signals that something we want or need isn’t being fulfilled to ourselves and, when we express it, the people around us. However, what we do with our anger makes all the difference.

When anger arises, consider this:

• What am I wanting that I am not getting?

• Who/what am I blaming for this?

• Will my next words or actions help me get what I want, or will I regret them later?

Finding the space to consider the “whys” behind our anger allows us to reflect and redirect our energy to find a productive solution. This process is challenging for adults and even harder for children. As adults, that makes it even more important to model and verbally demonstrate emotional regulation.

When managing anger, remember the “3 A’s” (PositiveDiscipline.org)

1. Acknowledge your anger. Name it and recognize it as valid.

2. Accept the feeling without judgment. It’s okay to be angry—it’s part of being human.

3. Allow yourself (and teach children) to express anger in appropriate ways, such as through words, calming techniques, or seeking solutions.

Children learn emotional regulation by watching the adults around them. By demonstrating that anger can be handled calmly and constructively, we equip them with tools to navigate their own emotions effectively.

Remember, anger isn’t the problem—it’s how we choose to respond to it that shapes outcomes. By practicing the “3 A’s” and teaching children to do the same, we foster healthier relationships and more peaceful interactions.

By Ines Oldenburg,

Positive Discipline Trainer

Montessori Minds Consultant